The Rhode Island lexicon is filled with words and phrases rarely spoken outside of Providence Plantations. These include: “Not for nothin’” (also the name for a popular blog on Rhode Island politics). “You’re killing me” (the standard answer when anybody asks you to do anything). And “no duh” (the appropriate response to someone stating the obvious – and acceptable as an epitaph).
Yet despite the frequent use of double negatives, Rhode Islanders are quick to praise – especially when we can stick a “wicked” in front of the word. In fact, it’s no duh to suggest that any adjective sounds better with a “wicked” introducing it.
What I’m working up to here is the official highest praise of Rhode Island. I mean, not for nothin’, but there’s a linguistic hierarchy to these things.
“Wicked good.” As in “Most Rhode Islanders think Barack Obama will be a wicked good president.”
“Wicked excellent.” As in “Heath Ledger was wicked excellent in ‘The Dark Knight.’”
“Wicked awesome.” As in “Did you see the wicked beat-down Milan Lucic gave Komisarek last night in the Bruins game? That was wicked awesome!”
But the absolute wicked highest official praise of Rhode Island is the phrase:
“Wicked pissah.” As in “That chowdah was wicked pissah” or “That lobstah was wicked pissah” or “That Flip Wilson … he was wicked pissah.”
So let the world have its Nobel Prizes. If there were an award for the highest acclaim, accolade or achievement in Rhode Island, it’s no duh what we’d call it: The Wicked Pissahs. In fact, let’s start one now. Send all Wicked Pissah-worthy nominations to Blog on the Half Shell.
As for this week’s question: Not for nothin,’ but what wicked Rhode Island expression do youze use most often?
Monday, January 12, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
R.I.P. Claiborne Pell
Scant minutes into the New Year last Thursday, just after the clock struck midnight, Rhode Island welcomed 2009 to the sobering news that former Sen. Claiborne Pell had died at his Newport home. The quirky, eccentric Democrat, who ran and won six terms in the U.S. Senate, had suffered from Parkinson’s disease, which forced him to retire in 1997. Pell was a member of R.I. aristocracy, but despite his blue-blood roots, he championed the causes of the state’s blue-collar base and he became that rare political animal - a beloved figure among the masses, winning his six elections by an average of 64 percent of the vote. His legacy includes the Pell Grants, a federal program that provides financial aid for college students. He also wrote the legislation that established the National Endowment for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Humanities, even though he once said in a 1996 interview: “I don’t like abstract paintings.”
A lifelong train enthusiast, he drafted the bill that became the High Speed Ground Transportation Act of 1965. The act was designed to improve transportation in the BosWash Corridor and became the genesis for Amtrak. He opposed the Vietnam War, sponsored a treaty banning nuclear weapons on the ocean floor and became chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in 1987, only to lose the post to his polar opposite, North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms, when the Republicans captured the Senate in 1994.
Despite not being active in the Senate for more than a decade, Pell remained an iconic figure in Rhode Island politics. Recently, the British magazine The Week quoted him to illustrate a flaw in the traditional transition period between outgoing and incoming U.S. presidents. “It is ironic,” said Pell, “that our Constitution provides for up to 10 weeks of crippled leadership each time the presidency changes hands.”
William H. Honan, in a stylish obituary written for The New York Times, noted that Pell’s self-deprecating humor and idiosyncratic behavior endeared him to both peers and constituents.
What is your lasting memory of Claiborne Pell?
A lifelong train enthusiast, he drafted the bill that became the High Speed Ground Transportation Act of 1965. The act was designed to improve transportation in the BosWash Corridor and became the genesis for Amtrak. He opposed the Vietnam War, sponsored a treaty banning nuclear weapons on the ocean floor and became chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in 1987, only to lose the post to his polar opposite, North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms, when the Republicans captured the Senate in 1994.
Despite not being active in the Senate for more than a decade, Pell remained an iconic figure in Rhode Island politics. Recently, the British magazine The Week quoted him to illustrate a flaw in the traditional transition period between outgoing and incoming U.S. presidents. “It is ironic,” said Pell, “that our Constitution provides for up to 10 weeks of crippled leadership each time the presidency changes hands.”
William H. Honan, in a stylish obituary written for The New York Times, noted that Pell’s self-deprecating humor and idiosyncratic behavior endeared him to both peers and constituents.
After he met President Fidel Castro of Cuba in Havana in 1974, Mr. Castro lit up a large cigar and used it to wave farewell. Senator Pell apparently thought the lighted cigar was a parting gift and took it from Mr. Castro’s hand, leaving his host flabbergasted.
John Chafee, who served as a Republican senator from Rhode Island, recounted a story for The Associated Press that became a favorite in descriptions of his colleague.
Mr. Pell was campaigning in Providence in 1972 when it began raining hard. He sent an aide to get him a pair of rubbers for his shoes, and when the aide returned, Mr. Pell asked in his formal manner of speech, “To whom am I indebted for these fine rubbers?”
“I got them at Thom McAn, senator,” the aide answered, referring to the shoe store chain. Mr. Pell replied, “Well, do tell Mr. McAn that I am much obliged to him.”
Mr. Pell was an avid jogger, but he often wore a tweed sport coat when running, and he pushed for congressional investigations into extrasensory perception and UFOs.
What is your lasting memory of Claiborne Pell?
Monday, December 29, 2008
Crooked Rhode
When conversation turns to ranking the most corrupt state in the nation, the typical Rhode Islander’s response is: “No duh.” In 1905, muckraking journalist Lincoln Steffens called Rhode Island “a state for sale.” Public corruption and scandal have long been part of the Rhody DNA. We’ve had governors rifling through Dumpsters for easy loot. We’ve had Providence police seize cars from drug suspects and re-sell them to city workers with no paper trail. We’ve had credit unions cooking the books. We’ve had the chief justice of the R.I. Supreme Court and his court administrator tuck away a secret stash of $177,000 from state coffers. We’ve had a state traffic court that couldn’t explain the disappearance of $39 million in lost, stolen or uncollected fines. We’ve even had a Providence mayor indicted on racketeering charges hired by local radio and TV affiliates to broadcast commentary on the next mayoral race and how his successor “needs to clean up Providence.”
From Operation Plunder Dome to “Puppy Dog” Mollicone, Rhode Island is a paint-by-numbers portrait of trials and errors, a connect-the-dots epic of crime and slime. Sleaze is so much a part of the culture that it has become a perverse source of collective pride for many Rhode Islanders, who love a good scandal as much as a good story or joke. (Usually you can weave all three into the same sentence. This is the Rhode Island equivalent of haiku.)
But judging by recent reports, Rhody may be losing its me-first mojo. Early warning signs occurred nearly five years ago. In a report on “Public Corruption in the United States” released by Corporate Crime Reporter at the National Press Club, popular perception failed the statistical litmus test. The analysis documents the number of prosecutions and convictions involving federal, state or local officials nabbed in public corruption investigations.
Three weeks ago, The New York Times ran a new survey, ranking all 50 states and four territories (D.C., Puerto Rico, Guam and the Virgin Islands) in three measures of public corruption. The first updates the Corporate Crime Reporter information for 2008, itemizing convictions in federal public corruption cases at local, state and federal levels. Rhody ranked 49th with 26 cases. (In first place: Florida with 824.)
Of course, Rhode Island is a dense but small state, with a population hovering around a million. So the second measure adjusts the data for population. Even per capita, Rhode Island isn’t excessively scandalous, coming in at 34th out of 54 overall, with an average of 2.5 convicted officials per 1 million constituents. (In first place: Washington, D.C. with 66.9 crooks per million.)
The final measure was a simple survey of journalists. Researchers asked state house reporters to assess their states or territories based on a 1-to-7, clean-to-crooked rating. The results were close, but in the end the other 53 were left choking on our back-graft. Reporters covering Rhode Island were marginally more cynical than reporters covering Louisiana, awarding the gold medal of public corruption to the Ocean State by a score of 5.5 to 5.4.
In fairness to them, when it comes to scandal and corruption, there are things you know in your gut that don’t show up on a spreadsheet.
What is your favorite all-time Rhode Island scandal?
From Operation Plunder Dome to “Puppy Dog” Mollicone, Rhode Island is a paint-by-numbers portrait of trials and errors, a connect-the-dots epic of crime and slime. Sleaze is so much a part of the culture that it has become a perverse source of collective pride for many Rhode Islanders, who love a good scandal as much as a good story or joke. (Usually you can weave all three into the same sentence. This is the Rhode Island equivalent of haiku.)
But judging by recent reports, Rhody may be losing its me-first mojo. Early warning signs occurred nearly five years ago. In a report on “Public Corruption in the United States” released by Corporate Crime Reporter at the National Press Club, popular perception failed the statistical litmus test. The analysis documents the number of prosecutions and convictions involving federal, state or local officials nabbed in public corruption investigations.
The states with perhaps the worst reputations for corruption have historically been Louisiana, Illinois, Rhode Island and New Jersey.
Louisiana … is not the most corrupt state in the country, as its reputation might indicate. It comes in third. Illinois, living up to its reputation, comes in fifth. New Jersey, believe it or not, comes in 16th. Rhode Island is even less corrupt than New Jersey – it comes in 20th.
Three weeks ago, The New York Times ran a new survey, ranking all 50 states and four territories (D.C., Puerto Rico, Guam and the Virgin Islands) in three measures of public corruption. The first updates the Corporate Crime Reporter information for 2008, itemizing convictions in federal public corruption cases at local, state and federal levels. Rhody ranked 49th with 26 cases. (In first place: Florida with 824.)
Of course, Rhode Island is a dense but small state, with a population hovering around a million. So the second measure adjusts the data for population. Even per capita, Rhode Island isn’t excessively scandalous, coming in at 34th out of 54 overall, with an average of 2.5 convicted officials per 1 million constituents. (In first place: Washington, D.C. with 66.9 crooks per million.)
The final measure was a simple survey of journalists. Researchers asked state house reporters to assess their states or territories based on a 1-to-7, clean-to-crooked rating. The results were close, but in the end the other 53 were left choking on our back-graft. Reporters covering Rhode Island were marginally more cynical than reporters covering Louisiana, awarding the gold medal of public corruption to the Ocean State by a score of 5.5 to 5.4.
In fairness to them, when it comes to scandal and corruption, there are things you know in your gut that don’t show up on a spreadsheet.
What is your favorite all-time Rhode Island scandal?
Monday, December 22, 2008
Snow Globe
The first major snowstorm of the year struck Rhode Island this weekend and the state was predictably paralyzed. Shoppers cleaned shelves of milk and bread. Drivers pumped gas tanks dry. Schools, organizations and some businesses canceled business a day before the storm. Part of the panic is primal - anxiety in the collective psyche of all Rhode Islanders who survived the Blizzard of ‘78. But it’s also rooted in reality. Despite the advance warning, the plows waited until the snow came tumbling down to begin sanding, salting and pre-treating the white stuff, exacerbating the slippery conditions.
You’d think a state that began its life as a glacier could deal with a little snow. Last year the executive director of the State Emergency Agency and the Providence Director of Emergency Management were both fired for their roles in a chaotic first snowstorm that left some schoolchildren stranded on buses until just before midnight.
Leading to this week's question: What is your favorite or wildest snowstorm memory?
You’d think a state that began its life as a glacier could deal with a little snow. Last year the executive director of the State Emergency Agency and the Providence Director of Emergency Management were both fired for their roles in a chaotic first snowstorm that left some schoolchildren stranded on buses until just before midnight.
Leading to this week's question: What is your favorite or wildest snowstorm memory?
Monday, December 15, 2008
Going for Baroque
The Christmas season has always blended the pagan and the Christian, merging stories of Santa Claus and Jesus Christ, lighting evergreen trees and church candles, uttering wishes and prayers with equal conviction. But there are some strange partnerships this season in my neighborhood and surrounding communities. Nativity scenes seem to be on the rise, but they are not limited to Mary, Joseph, the Three Wise Men, the shepherds, the Baby Jesus and the odd donkey, sheep or camel. Every so often you see a penguin or a polar bear lurking among the barnyard animals. Reindeer and camels intermingle. While not yet part of the inner circle, Santa and Frosty are within a snowball’s distance of the Wise Men. One house down the street has propped up a cardboard Nativity on the left side of the front door and a complementary scene featuring Charlie Brown and the gang celebrating a Peanuts’ Christmas to the right of it. Even more disturbing are those lawns along Route 114 that showcase giant, grotesquely inflated, plastic blow-up Nativity figures. It’s one thing to see a glowing Baby Jesus the size of a giant pumpkin. It’s another to see the same Baby Jesus in 52 mph wind gusts, zipping around the yard in his manger, only to be strewn, punctured by a tree branch and flattened in the grass the next morning.
What is the most disturbing holiday decoration you’ve seen so far?
For Scrooge-aholics
Trinity Repertory’s annual production of “A Christmas Carol” is only one of eight versions of the famed Charles Dickens tale now playing within driving distance of the average Rhode Islander. Scrooge runs amok at the Hartford Stage in Connecticut, the Artists’ Exchange in Cranston, the Attleboro Community Theatre in Massachusetts, the Swamp Meadow Community Theatre in Foster, the Granite Theatre in Westerly, the Zeiterion Theatre in New Bedford and at a one-man show in Mansfield, Mass. While it seems like Scrooge overkill, it’s hard to blame strapped theaters for trying to conjure up the Ghost of Christmas Box Office Past to salvage a dreary ticket season.
Rhody Universe: David Byrne worked in a weiner joint
Back in the dark ages of the 1970s, David Byrne, Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz hung around Providence as students at the Rhode Island School of Design. Eventually they would form three-quarters of The Talking Heads, considered one of the all-time great bands by music fans of a certain vintage. Ever since, as Byrne grew to iconic status, Providence adopted him as a favorite son. While the feeling isn’t exactly mutual, Byrne does remember his time in Providence, as recounted in the Nov. 28 edition of The Providence Phoenix. The most interesting revelation? Byrne once logged hours in a New York System, selling gaggers by the arm.
What is the most disturbing holiday decoration you’ve seen so far?
For Scrooge-aholics
Trinity Repertory’s annual production of “A Christmas Carol” is only one of eight versions of the famed Charles Dickens tale now playing within driving distance of the average Rhode Islander. Scrooge runs amok at the Hartford Stage in Connecticut, the Artists’ Exchange in Cranston, the Attleboro Community Theatre in Massachusetts, the Swamp Meadow Community Theatre in Foster, the Granite Theatre in Westerly, the Zeiterion Theatre in New Bedford and at a one-man show in Mansfield, Mass. While it seems like Scrooge overkill, it’s hard to blame strapped theaters for trying to conjure up the Ghost of Christmas Box Office Past to salvage a dreary ticket season.
Rhody Universe: David Byrne worked in a weiner joint
Back in the dark ages of the 1970s, David Byrne, Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz hung around Providence as students at the Rhode Island School of Design. Eventually they would form three-quarters of The Talking Heads, considered one of the all-time great bands by music fans of a certain vintage. Ever since, as Byrne grew to iconic status, Providence adopted him as a favorite son. While the feeling isn’t exactly mutual, Byrne does remember his time in Providence, as recounted in the Nov. 28 edition of The Providence Phoenix. The most interesting revelation? Byrne once logged hours in a New York System, selling gaggers by the arm.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Rocket blog
Last Friday I sacrificed a vacation day to fix the hard drive on my laptop. After enduring a couple of hours of frustration and failure, playing the part of Dave to my MacBook’s Hal, I made an appointment with the Genius Bar at the Apple Store in the Providence Place Mall. Arriving 15 minutes early, I was encouraged to play with the computers on site, so I positioned myself in front of a screen the size of Fenway’s Green Monster and started scrolling through online newspapers. Next to me was a man who appeared to be in his 30s, dancing in place and singing at high volume to Elton John’s “Rocket Man.”
While he sang and moved without rhythm, Rocket Man tried to make eye contact. I kept the corner of my left eye on alert in the event of rocket launch, while studiously reading the latest news on the Celtics and Bruins. My 15-minute wait turned into 45, and Rocket Man continued grooving to the beat of his own planet, eventually working his way through the entire Elton John discography.
Finally the Genius Bar opened. I left Rocket Man to “Crocodile Rock” and “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” on his own. After a couple of hours of diagnostics and repairs and installing updates, I had my computer back, took note of Rocket Man’s sudden disappearance from the Apple atmosphere, slogged through Providence traffic and got to my home on the cove just as the sun went down. Even though I was grateful that my pictures had been salvaged on iPhoto, it felt like a waste of a day, until I rounded the bend to watch and listen to masses of geese migrating, joining one another in V formation, flying above the waves and below the blood-red sunset. Somehow though, in the cacophony of honking, all I could hear was “Rocket Man.”
The tedium of the mundane can be transcended by an instant of nature, and a fleeting moment can save a day. But I think it’s gonna be a long, long time before I get that damn song out of my head...
This week’s question: If hell had a jukebox, what songs would play on it?
Rhody on Ice
This week’s size of Rhode Island reference links to an artistic rendering of the famed 2002 Larsen B Ice Shelf collapse. For some reason, the clunky drawing has the Ocean State toppled over horizontally, like the chalk outline of a homicide victim.
Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don’t understand
It’s just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man
While he sang and moved without rhythm, Rocket Man tried to make eye contact. I kept the corner of my left eye on alert in the event of rocket launch, while studiously reading the latest news on the Celtics and Bruins. My 15-minute wait turned into 45, and Rocket Man continued grooving to the beat of his own planet, eventually working his way through the entire Elton John discography.
Finally the Genius Bar opened. I left Rocket Man to “Crocodile Rock” and “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” on his own. After a couple of hours of diagnostics and repairs and installing updates, I had my computer back, took note of Rocket Man’s sudden disappearance from the Apple atmosphere, slogged through Providence traffic and got to my home on the cove just as the sun went down. Even though I was grateful that my pictures had been salvaged on iPhoto, it felt like a waste of a day, until I rounded the bend to watch and listen to masses of geese migrating, joining one another in V formation, flying above the waves and below the blood-red sunset. Somehow though, in the cacophony of honking, all I could hear was “Rocket Man.”
The tedium of the mundane can be transcended by an instant of nature, and a fleeting moment can save a day. But I think it’s gonna be a long, long time before I get that damn song out of my head...
This week’s question: If hell had a jukebox, what songs would play on it?
Rhody on Ice
This week’s size of Rhode Island reference links to an artistic rendering of the famed 2002 Larsen B Ice Shelf collapse. For some reason, the clunky drawing has the Ocean State toppled over horizontally, like the chalk outline of a homicide victim.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Loose change
A Web site on Ideas for Change in America is seeking your input on how to make things better. It’s described as “a citizen-driven project that aims to identify and create momentum around the best ideas for how the Obama Administration and the 111th Congress can turn the broad call for ‘change’ across the country into specific policies.” The site is designed to be nonpartisan and invites all political points of view. Anyone can submit an idea or comment and vote on others. The top 10 ranked ideas will be presented to the Obama Administration on Inauguration Day, Jan. 20, as the “Top 10 Ideas for America.” A national campaign will be launched in support of each idea.
But not every light bulb burns the same wattage. As of this posting, change.org listed about 1,500 suggested ideas. Among them – Repeal the Patriot Act. Create a global union of states. End the war on drugs. Legalize marijuana. Create a Department of Innovation. Create a Department of Peace. Close Guantanamo. Make Election Day a national holiday. Tell the truth about extraterrestrial contact. Make free trees available to the public. Remove the nonprofit status from churches that are politically active. Give all veterans the day off on Veterans Day. Get rid of daylight-saving time. Promote bicycle transportation. Create a cabinet position on Violence against Women. Put prayer back in schools. Conduct no business on Sundays. Launch a National Service Corps to improve the nation’s infrastructure. Mandate vegan school lunches in addition to standard fare. Plant a large organic victory garden on the White House lawn. Stop the live skinning of animals.
It’s an intriguing read, representing a broad spectrum of interests from leftist to centrist to rightist. At minimum, the site proves that thoughtful consideration of ways in which change can be a positive force is a worthwhile exercise. Leading to this week’s question: If you could change one thing about Rhode Island, what would it be?
Diehards
The lasting image of the 2004 World Series championship by the Boston Red Sox – the team’s first in 86 years – was the sight of nearly every graveyard in New England festooned in Sox caps, jerseys and pennants. Rooting for the Red Sox is a cradle-to-grave activity for members of the Nation, but now the dearly departed don’t have to give up the ghost. The first officially licensed Red Sox casket arrived in Rockland, Mass., serial No. 0001, at the Magoun-Biggins Funeral Home. The casket is manufactured by Eternal Image of Michigan, which creates branded funeral products for corporations as varied as Major League Baseball, the Vatican Library, the American Kennel Club and Star Trek. Not surprisingly, the Red Sox and Yankees are running neck-and-neck in the afterlife biz, well ahead of all other teams and products in sales of team-logo caskets and urns. Last year, the Sox stopped the popular practice of fans scattering the ashes of their loved ones on the grounds of Fenway Park, after the number of dying wishes became too overwhelming to accommodate. Recently traded centerfielder Coco Crisp had the baseball quote of the year when he talked about patrolling an outfield that was part-grass, part-warning track and part-cremation ash: “It’s kind of freaky knowing you’re diving into somebody’s grandpa.”
Mining for Size
Found this in a USA Today story from last year about the environmentally destructive coal mining practice called “mountaintop removal.”
But not every light bulb burns the same wattage. As of this posting, change.org listed about 1,500 suggested ideas. Among them – Repeal the Patriot Act. Create a global union of states. End the war on drugs. Legalize marijuana. Create a Department of Innovation. Create a Department of Peace. Close Guantanamo. Make Election Day a national holiday. Tell the truth about extraterrestrial contact. Make free trees available to the public. Remove the nonprofit status from churches that are politically active. Give all veterans the day off on Veterans Day. Get rid of daylight-saving time. Promote bicycle transportation. Create a cabinet position on Violence against Women. Put prayer back in schools. Conduct no business on Sundays. Launch a National Service Corps to improve the nation’s infrastructure. Mandate vegan school lunches in addition to standard fare. Plant a large organic victory garden on the White House lawn. Stop the live skinning of animals.
It’s an intriguing read, representing a broad spectrum of interests from leftist to centrist to rightist. At minimum, the site proves that thoughtful consideration of ways in which change can be a positive force is a worthwhile exercise. Leading to this week’s question: If you could change one thing about Rhode Island, what would it be?
Diehards
The lasting image of the 2004 World Series championship by the Boston Red Sox – the team’s first in 86 years – was the sight of nearly every graveyard in New England festooned in Sox caps, jerseys and pennants. Rooting for the Red Sox is a cradle-to-grave activity for members of the Nation, but now the dearly departed don’t have to give up the ghost. The first officially licensed Red Sox casket arrived in Rockland, Mass., serial No. 0001, at the Magoun-Biggins Funeral Home. The casket is manufactured by Eternal Image of Michigan, which creates branded funeral products for corporations as varied as Major League Baseball, the Vatican Library, the American Kennel Club and Star Trek. Not surprisingly, the Red Sox and Yankees are running neck-and-neck in the afterlife biz, well ahead of all other teams and products in sales of team-logo caskets and urns. Last year, the Sox stopped the popular practice of fans scattering the ashes of their loved ones on the grounds of Fenway Park, after the number of dying wishes became too overwhelming to accommodate. Recently traded centerfielder Coco Crisp had the baseball quote of the year when he talked about patrolling an outfield that was part-grass, part-warning track and part-cremation ash: “It’s kind of freaky knowing you’re diving into somebody’s grandpa.”
Mining for Size
Found this in a USA Today story from last year about the environmentally destructive coal mining practice called “mountaintop removal.”
Without further restrictions, 2,200 square miles of Appalachian forests – an area twice the size of Rhode Island – will be eliminated by 2012.
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