PROVIDENCE – State officials have determined that the estimated $1.1 billion in federal stimulus money is “not enough” to help residents survive a deep recession, so they are proposing a risky scheme to eliminate Rhode Island’s budget shortfall once and for all.
“Basically the plan is to take the stimulus check and place it all on a greyhound to win Saturday at Twin Rivers/Lincoln dog track,” said Leslie Gowk, spokeswoman for the nonprofit organization Stimulate Rhode Island. “The payoff would solve the state’s problems for the next 20 years.”
Stimulate Rhode Island is an ad hoc, de facto committee of economists and citizens advising Gov. Don Carcieri about how to maximize the returns on Rhode Island’s stimulus money.
Committee member Manny St. Hilaria of Cumberland, a regular bettor at Twin Rivers, who keeps a barn of “frisky” retired greyhounds on his property, said the plan isn’t as crazy as it sounds.
“It only sounds radical if you don’t know anything about the dogs,” St. Hilaria said. “Without getting into specifics, one of the guys on our committee knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a dog that’s going to win on Saturday. It would be foolish not to take advantage of the situation. We owe it to the taxpayers.”
Neither Gowk nor St. Hilaria would confirm the name of the dog, but a source close to the racetrack believes it to be Blue Note, a greyhound that has placed in seven of its last 20 races, winning three, since moving to Rhode Island from a Florida kennel. Today’s tote board lists Blue Note at 20:1 odds, meaning that if the bet were placed now, the state’s take would be $22 billion.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Jester's holiday
Wednesday is the international day of hoaxes, frauds and practical jokes, better known as April Fools Day. One of the best Web sites of any ilk, the Museum of Hoaxes, chronicles every known prank, deception and flimflam in history and its ranking of “The Top 100 April Fools Day Hoaxes of All Time” is essential reading for fans of the con. Rhody-files will note that ranking No. 97 on the list is “Providence Closes for the Day.”
Given the media’s widespread role in perpetuating hoaxes, you’d think that on April Fools Day the world had been taken over by The Onion. Media organizations were directly responsible for 62 of the 100 all-time hoaxes. The breakdown: Newspapers (29), radio stations (16), magazines (10) and TV (7). The rest of the hoaxes were inventions of corporations (7), the Internet (7), scientists or academics (6) and stunts by professional pranksters or practical jokers (13). A final miscellaneous grouping (5) includes a theater, nonprofit organization, record company, Greek Ministry of Culture and a fake almanac created by satirist Jonathan Swift.
Personal favorites include:
No. 8: The Left-Handed Whopper
No. 41: Dogs to be painted white
No. 70: One-way highway
When was the last time you were taken in by a hoax (or perpetuated one yourself)?
Carolyn Fox, a disc jockey for WHJY in Providence, Rhode Island, announced in 1986 that the ‘Providence Labor Action Relations Board Committee’ had decided to close the city for the day. She gave out a number for listeners to call for more information. The number was that of a rival station, WPRO-AM. Reportedly hundreds of people called WPRO, as well as City Hall and the police. Even more called into their offices to see if they had to go into work. WHJY management later explained that it had never imagined its joke would have such a dramatic impact on the city.
Given the media’s widespread role in perpetuating hoaxes, you’d think that on April Fools Day the world had been taken over by The Onion. Media organizations were directly responsible for 62 of the 100 all-time hoaxes. The breakdown: Newspapers (29), radio stations (16), magazines (10) and TV (7). The rest of the hoaxes were inventions of corporations (7), the Internet (7), scientists or academics (6) and stunts by professional pranksters or practical jokers (13). A final miscellaneous grouping (5) includes a theater, nonprofit organization, record company, Greek Ministry of Culture and a fake almanac created by satirist Jonathan Swift.
Personal favorites include:
No. 8: The Left-Handed Whopper
1998: Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a “Left-Handed Whopper” specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, “many others requested their own ‘right handed’ version.”
No. 41: Dogs to be painted white
1965: Politiken, a Copenhagen newspaper, reported that the Danish parliament had passed a new law requiring all dogs to be painted white. The purpose of this, it explained, was to increase road safety by allowing dogs to be seen more easily at night.
No. 70: One-way highway
1991: The London Times announced that the Department of Transport had finalized a plan to ease congestion on the M25, the circular highway surrounding London. The capacity of the road would be doubled by making the traffic on both carriageways travel in the same direction. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, the traffic would travel clockwise; while on Tuesdays and Thursdays it would travel anti-clockwise. The plan would not operate on weekends … A resident of Swanley, Kent, was quoted as saying, “Villagers use the motorway to make shopping trips to Orpington. On some days this will be a journey of two miles, and on others a journey of 117 miles. The scheme is lunatic.” Thankfully, the scheme existed only in the minds of the writers at the Times.
When was the last time you were taken in by a hoax (or perpetuated one yourself)?
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