Life in parts of America may soon be easier for gays, gamblers, hunters, potheads, euthanisers, car-insurance salesmen, grammarians and horses.That's how The Economist cogently summed up America's 2012 trip to the ballot box. Tomorrow's vote will decide the next U.S. President, but Rhody and the Other 49 have their own problems to worry about. Taking another look at the quote that begins this post, we Rhode Islanders find ourselves, not for the first or last time, lumped in with "gamblers."
Questions 1 and 2 ask us to decide whether Twin River and Newport Grand should be allowed to introduce table games - blackjack, roulette, craps, poker - moving Rhody closer to a casino royale culture. If it passes, maybe James Bond (alias Daniel Craig) can finally make a long overdue appearance in Newport to film one of those iconic baccarat scenes opposite The Villain while impressing The Bond Girl. Jet-propelled paddle boarding in Narragansett Bay followed by a frenetic though unresolved battle with The Villain's Physically Distinctive Henchman on the Cliff Walk. Tuxedo scene at Rosecliff. Car chase down Ocean Drive. Narragansett Beer shaken, not stirred, with the exploding froth used to create a temporary distraction the second time The Villain's Physically Distinctive Henchman appears, interrupting 007's seduction of The Bond Girl at The White Horse Tavern. You get the idea.
Anyway, for once, Rhode Island isn't a contender for oddest ballot measure. Idaho will vote on whether to protect the rights of fishers, hunters and trappers against campaigns by animal rights groups. Proponents cite history, reminding residents that trappers founded Idaho. (It does make you think. Taking a cue from our own founding, maybe we need to strengthen our state constitution to protect exiled preachers and other free thinkers from people who think thinking is the devil's work.)
In California, voters in Los Angeles County will be asked to consider the issue of mandatory condoms for porn stars. Measure B (or "The Safer Sex in the Adult Film Industry Act") would require all adult movie actors to wear protection on camera. (Consider the bright side. It'll be easier to work a Trojan horse reference into the XXX version of "The Iliad.")
In Arizona, Republicans want voters to take the Grand Canyon back from the federal government, and give it to the state (presumably so business interests can start doing things like building canyon condos and mining for minerals, pronto). The ballot measure, known as Proposition 120, would give Arizona sovereignty over the "air, water, public lands, minerals, wildlife and other natural resources" of the Grand Canyon, essentially harnessing the kind of power that even the ancient Greeks decided should be divided between multiple gods.
In North Dakota, passing Measure 5 would mean stiffer punishments for those who inflict harm on cats, dogs or horses. (Of course, you're still free to torture hamsters.) Measure 78 would allow the state to make improvements in its constitution's spelling and grammar - which must be pretty bad, if it requires a ballot measure to fix. If it passes, the next step is to find a school marm with a red Sharpie.
What measure would you like to see on the next Rhode Island ballot?
