“No more blah, blah, blah!”
- William Shatner as Capt. James T. Kirk in the “Star Trek” episode, “Miri”
Forget the “Wrath of Kahn.” William Shatner earned the wrath of Rhode Island last week when he canceled an appearance at the last minute, causing R.I. International Film Festival organizers to scramble and give back $5000 in advance tickets. Shatner was scheduled to appear at the Columbus Theater last Thursday to show his film, “William Shatner’s Gonzo Ballet” and accept the first Nathanael Greene Humanitarian Award from RIIFF, along with a President’s Medal from Rhode Island College. Instead, he threw one of his red-shirted ensigns to the wolves. Film festival organizers found out by an e-mail sent by Shatner’s minion (“personal handler”) a few days before the event that The Man Who Would Be Kirk would not be coming because of “contractual obligations for an upcoming film project.” Of course, since Rhode Islanders are more cynical than your average Klingon, nobody’s buying that excuse.
Top Ten Reasons Why Shatner Shafted Rhode Island
10. Just now found out that Rhode Island wasn’t one of the Greek Isles.
9. Sudden upsurge in popularity as Sarah Palin interpretive poet spurred him to cancel all current obligations to concentrate solely on his art.
8. Heard that he would have to endure red carpet interview from the old R.I. public access “Star Trek” guys.
7. Insulted when state police wanted no part of “T.J. Hooker” marathon.
6. Discovered that, in the early days of the federation, Rhode Island was a haven for Romulans.
5. Balked when RIIFF organizers refused to change name of Nathanael Greene Humanitarian Award to Denny Crane Humanitarian Award.
4. Furious that Rhode Island hotel wouldn’t give him Priceline discount.
3. Upset after learning that Shatner versions of “Mr. Tambourine Man” and “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” would not be played at Providence WaterFire.
2. Heard rumor that RIIFF wanted Sulu first.
1. Didn’t realize that there was going to be so much blah, blah, blah.
What is your best conspiracy theory for why William Shatner dissed Rhode Island?