Tinsel Time

A blue snowflake hangs over Hope Street in Bristol now, a town otherwise decorated in mostly golden light on December nights. In neighboring Warren, bare branches and stark poles along Main Street are illuminated in electric colors while staid Barrington, just down the road, insists on stately (or pretentious, depending on your point of view) white phosphorescence.

Along Route 114, evergreens bound by rope are being sold in convenience store parking lots. Giant, one-story inflatables – of snowmen, reindeer, Santas – pop up here and there, dominating postage-stamp sized front yards. By day they are strewn across their lawns like gutted whale carcasses. Many of these yards just recently contained large signs supporting political candidates. (What happens to those, by the way? Christmas bonfire fodder?) Inflatable Christmas, like Inflatable Halloween – with its bungalow-sized ghosts and witches – is a relatively recent addition to holiday kitsch. Let’s hope Inflatable Political Campaigns never become in vogue. It’s one thing to stare at a 10-foot Nutcracker full of hot air. Not sure I’d appreciate the same view of someone running for School Committee.

Judging by the early lighting in the cove, those icicle lights are passé, but there are more blowup candy canes in the mix. Cardboard and light bulb nativities are scattered around the neighborhood, mingling crèches, camels and the Baby Jesus with snowmen and reindeer and elves from Santa’s Workshop. There was a time when this chaos of color and Christmas character mishmash rankled, but now I appreciate any effort to celebrate the season and light the night. Most of the decoration is hung in good spirit, if not in good taste. Which reminds me. It’s time to drag Christmas Lobster back out of the closet.

What is your favorite tacky Christmas decoration?

Puritan Chic

While the rest of the country turned Thanksgiving into Thanksgetting, three New England states – including Yours Rhody – never left the table to go to the mall. One of the few Colonial-era blue laws still on the books preventing merchants from operating their business on the holiday meant itchy shoppers in Rhode Island, Maine and Massachusetts had to crank up the hard drive or drive to New Hampshire to go bargain hunting while they were still digesting their turkey.

Score one for the Puritans.

This particular blue law, like most of the others, will likely not stand the test of time. One way or another Americans are going to demand to exercise their right to stand in line in the cold on a sacred day to save $50 on the latest iThingamabob instead of spending a few hours sharing stories with family and friends and expressing gratitude for their lives. So be it, but it was nice to enjoy a consumer-free Thanksgiving for at least one more year.

For one glorious late-autumn Thursday in three New England states, Thanksgiving was as it should be. Here’s hoping Puritan Rhody, Maine and Massachusetts can find a way to keep this blue law on the books. Otherwise, we’ll be like every other state in America, wishing people a “Happy Walmartgiving” every November.

This week’s question: Should Rhode Island change the blue law preventing retailers from conducting business on Thanksgiving?

Sporting Rhody

A new minor league sports team based in Rhode Island promoted its inaugural season under at tent yesterday at The Mews “Beer N Geer 5K” race in Wakefield. The Rhode Island Kingfish will be competing in the North American Lacrosse League this season. Box lacrosse – like indoor soccer and arena football – is an indoor version of a game traditionally played outdoors. It uses fewer players, features more scoring and relies heavily on mascots and promotions to draw fans. Good luck to them, but you wonder why they chose the moniker “kingfish?” That’s hardly a species that one commonly associates with Rhode Island.

Why not select one of the two top sport fish in the Ocean State – striped bass or bluefish? The Rhody Stripers or the Rhody Blues? In the latter case, the team could tie in the state’s predominant symbolic color along with its illustrious blues music history. Or go with the many sharks that patrol the local waters: The Rhode Island Hammerheads has a nice box lacrosse ring to it.

Back in the days when Providence was a major league city, Rhode Island rubbed shoulders with Boston and New York in the sportingverse. It had franchises in the National League of Major League Baseball, National Football League and National Basketball Association. (Our capital city never cracked the National Hockey League, but the Providence Reds were a flagship minor league franchise from 1926 to 1977, drawing well for many years despite being affiliated with the New York Rangers and not the Boston Bruins. The team also won four Calder Cups.) Even Newport held its own, with golf and tennis championships that inaugurated the U.S. Open in both sports, although these days the golf event is nomadic and the tennis tourney was hijacked to Long Island.

The Providence Grays played from 1878 to 1885 and won the National League championship twice (1879, 1884). The club played its home games at the Messer Street Grounds in the Olyneville neighborhood. The 1884 champs accepted a challenge from the New York Metropolitans of the rival American Association. Providence traveled to the Polo Grounds and swept the Metropolitans on their home ground, playing by AA league roles, forbidding overhand pitching. “Old Hoss” Radbourne pitched all three games for the Grays. By virtue of that victory, many baseball historians consider Providence to be the first official World Series champion.

Another short-lived but reasonably successful professional team was the Providence Steam Roller, a member of the NFL from 1925 to 1931. The Steam Roller, whose team colors were black, orange and white, played most of their home games in a stadium built for bicycle races called the Cycledrome. The team was invited to join the league after a decade of domination as the best independent team in the country. They were the first New England team to win an NFL championship (1928), a feat that didn’t get duplicated until the New England Patriots won its first Super Bowl in 2002. The Steam Roller nickname lives on in a bold blend of coffee produced by a Pawtucket coffee roaster called New Harvest.

The last of the pro sports franchises from one of the Big Four (baseball, football, hockey and basketball) to be based in Rhode Island, the Providence Steamrollers were one of the original NBA teams, but their three seasons produced mostly lowlights. They still hold the record for fewest wins in a season (6) and their all-time record of 46-122 left them with a lifetime .274 winning percentage. Their team colors were red, white and black and they played to sparse crowds at the old “Aud,” the Rhode Island Auditorium, which was packed for games played by their winter brethren, the minor league Reds.

One notch above the Reds, the most successful Rhody sports franchise remains the Pawtucket Red Sox, whose home games at McCoy Stadium are a quintessential part of a Rhode Island summer. (This year’s PawSox team even won its third International League championship.) The Providence Bruins have one Calder Cup and a steady fan base since becoming the minor league affiliate for the Boston Bruins in 1992. But without the Boston connection, Rhody pro sports teams don’t last long. The Rhode Island Oceaneers, an American Soccer League club, won the league championship in its charter season of 1974 but had disbanded by 1978. The team may be gone, but its nickname lives on as the best ever to come out of Rhode Island.

What would be a good name for the next sports team to play in Rhode Island?

Home Is Where The Haunt Is

Here’s a list of things I like about lists:

1) They’re easy to compile.
2) They spark conversation.
3) They’re fun to cross out.
4) When you’re sitting in a coffee shop, working on a list, it looks like you’re writing a novel, even though you’re only reminding yourself to go to the bank and pick up the dry cleaning.
5) You can turn them into columns and blog posts.

There’s no shame in this. Some of the world’s most important writings have come to us in list form. (Consider the Ten Commandments, which is basically just a To-Don’t List, etched on stone tablets.)

So today I thought I’d share a list of someone else’s invention. My favorite Rhode Island-based list of recent vintage appeared in a book titled “Rhode Island Legends: Haunted Hallows and Monsters’ Lairs” by South County author M.E. Reilly-McGreen. It’s her list of the most unusual haunts in the Ocean State. Given that politics, weather and a midweek date on the calendar muted the annual New England Halloween festivities in many communities, I thought it would be worth passing along while the days are getting darker and the November landscape turns skeletal.

Here’s Marybeth’s field guide to Rhode Island legends:

ALIENS (BEST BETS): Wood River Junction, Providence, Newport County, Cumberland
BIGFOOT: the Great Swamp, South Kingstown
BLEEDING ROCKS: Indian Corner, Slocumville, North Kingstown
CLASSICAL GODS AND GODDESSES AT PLAY: Narragansett Beach, Narragansett; Worden’s Pond, South Kingstown
CRYING ROCKS: Child Crying Rocks, Charlestown
CURSED MATCHING THRONES: the Salt Chairs of Belcourt Castle, Newport
THE DEVIL: Devil’s Hole, Woonsocket; Devil’s Ring, Peace Dale
THE DEVIL’S HOOFPRINT: Devil’s Foot Rock, North Kingstown; Purgatory Chasm, Middletown
FAIRIES: Worden’s Pond, South Kingstown
FLESH-EATING VEGETATION: Roger William’s Root, Providence
GHOSTS OF FAMOUS HORROR WRITERS: Edgar Allan Poe, Benefit Street, Providence; H.P. Lovecraft, Barnes Street and Swan Point Cemetery, Providence
GIANT WOLVES AND BLACK SHUCK: Devil’s Hole, Woonsocket; Fort Wetherill, Jamestown; Wolf Rocks, Exeter; Wolf Bog, Peace Dale
HAUNTED ASYLUMS: the Ladd Center, Exeter
HAUNTED HOLY SITES: the Monastery, Cumberland
HAUNTED MILLS: Slater Mill, Pawtucket; Ramtail Factory, Foster; Mooresfield Road, Kingston
HAUNTED WEDDING VENUES: Sprague Mansion, Cranston
HEADLESS GHOST HORSE: Belmont Avenue, Wakefield
GHOST REGIMENTS: Route 138, Kingston; Hessian Hole, Portsmouth
GHOST SHIPS: Beavertail, Jones’s Ledge, Jamestown; Grave’s Point, Jamestown; the Seabird, Newport; the Palantine, Block Island
HEADLESS HUMAN GHOSTS: Indian Corner, North Kingstown; Mooresfield Road, South Kingstown
IT: Dark Swamp, Chepachet
JEWELRY-WEARING GIANT SERPENTS: Wilson’s Woods, South Kingstown; Carbuncle Pond, Coventry
MOANING BONES: Arcadia, Narragansett
ORBS: Charlestown
PIRATES’ GHOSTS: Gravelly Point, Newport
PIRATES’ TREASURE: Block Island; Sugarloaf Hill, South Kingstown
POSSESSED PAINTINGS: Kingston Free Library, Kingston
SAINTS’ RELICS: Rough Point, Newport
SEA MONSTERS: Block Island; Point Judith, Narragansett
SKELETONS IN ARMOR: Old Stone Mill, Newport
SKULKING MONKS: Belcourt Castle, Newport; Nine Men’s Misery, Cumberland
SOLDIERS’ SPIRITS: Hessian Hole, Portsmouth; Kingston village; Nine Men’s Misery, Cumberland
TRAGIC MAIDENS’ SPIRITS: Hannah Robinson, Hannah Robinson’s Tower and Rock, South Kingstown; Dolly Cole, Dolly Cole’s Brook, Foster; Angela O’Leary, Fleur de Lys House, Providence
VAMPIRES: Chestnut Hill Cemetery, Exeter; Mooresfield, South Kingstown; Plain Meeting House, West Greenwich; the Shunned House, Benefit Street, Providence
WAILING KNIGHT: Belcourt Castle, Newport
WAILING WOMAN: The Crying Bog, Narragansett
WANDERING WRAITHS: Dorothy’s Hollow, Narragansett
WEREWOLVES: the Great Swamp, Charlestown; Woonsocket; Watson’s Corner, South Kingstown
WITCHES: Benefit Street, Providence; Chestnut Hill Cemetery, Exeter; Hell Hollow, North Kingstown; Hopkins Hill, East Greenwich; Kettle Hollow, North Kingstown; Ministerial Woods, South Kingstown; Witches Altar, Narragansett; Westerly

What is your favorite haunted hot spot in Rhode Island?

Adventures at the Ballot Box

Life in parts of America may soon be easier for gays, gamblers, hunters, potheads, euthanisers, car-insurance salesmen, grammarians and horses.

That's how The Economist cogently summed up America's 2012 trip to the ballot box. Tomorrow's vote will decide the next U.S. President, but Rhody and the Other 49 have their own problems to worry about. Taking another look at the quote that begins this post, we Rhode Islanders find ourselves, not for the first or last time, lumped in with "gamblers."

Questions 1 and 2 ask us to decide whether Twin River and Newport Grand should be allowed to introduce table games - blackjack, roulette, craps, poker - moving Rhody closer to a casino royale culture. If it passes, maybe James Bond (alias Daniel Craig) can finally make a long overdue appearance in Newport to film one of those iconic baccarat scenes opposite The Villain while impressing The Bond Girl. Jet-propelled paddle boarding in Narragansett Bay followed by a frenetic though unresolved battle with The Villain's Physically Distinctive Henchman on the Cliff Walk. Tuxedo scene at Rosecliff. Car chase down Ocean Drive. Narragansett Beer shaken, not stirred, with the exploding froth used to create a temporary distraction the second time The Villain's Physically Distinctive Henchman appears, interrupting 007's seduction of The Bond Girl at The White Horse Tavern. You get the idea.

Anyway, for once, Rhode Island isn't a contender for oddest ballot measure. Idaho will vote on whether to protect the rights of fishers, hunters and trappers against campaigns by animal rights groups. Proponents cite history, reminding residents that trappers founded Idaho. (It does make you think. Taking a cue from our own founding, maybe we need to strengthen our state constitution to protect exiled preachers and other free thinkers from people who think thinking is the devil's work.)

In California, voters in Los Angeles County will be asked to consider the issue of mandatory condoms for porn stars. Measure B (or "The Safer Sex in the Adult Film Industry Act") would require all adult movie actors to wear protection on camera. (Consider the bright side. It'll be easier to work a Trojan horse reference into the XXX version of "The Iliad.")

In Arizona, Republicans want voters to take the Grand Canyon back from the federal government, and give it to the state (presumably so business interests can start doing things like building canyon condos and mining for minerals, pronto). The ballot measure, known as Proposition 120, would give Arizona sovereignty over the "air, water, public lands, minerals, wildlife and other natural resources" of the Grand Canyon, essentially harnessing the kind of power that even the ancient Greeks decided should be divided between multiple gods.

In North Dakota, passing Measure 5 would mean stiffer punishments for those who inflict harm on cats, dogs or horses. (Of course, you're still free to torture hamsters.) Measure 78 would allow the state to make improvements in its constitution's spelling and grammar - which must be pretty bad, if it requires a ballot measure to fix. If it passes, the next step is to find a school marm with a red Sharpie.

What measure would you like to see on the next Rhode Island ballot?

State of Emergency

Sandy’s coming. Wind gusts are strengthening, stripping trees of limbs and leaves. The rain has moved from mist to spit to drizzle, with downpours expected. A full moon tide may create strong storm surges, causing erosion and flooding throughout the state. Here in Rhode Island, today should be the worst of it. So we wait.

Many of us have been in the newsroom since early this morning. Schools have closed. All state workers described as non-essential have been asked to stay home. Many businesses also have chosen to remain shuttered today. But in the media game, extreme weather is a headline maker. Most of us will spend today trying to think of a sexier way to say “Frankenstorm.”

At 10 a.m., the power went out at The Newport Daily News. After rebooting the computer, I just spent the last couple of minutes reconstructing the first two paragraphs from memory. Advice for the apocalypse: Hang on to that old manual typewriter gathering dust in the attic. When the grid goes, you’ll be grateful.

Mandatory evacuations already have been declared in low-lying and coastal portions of Westerly, Charlestown, Narragansett, South Kingstown, Tiverton, Middletown and Bristol. Yesterday, during a break in the Patriots game, a reporter for The Weather Channel showed the scene at Narragansett Town Beach. The reporter marveled at the skills of the local kiteboarders riding massive waves along the shore. He also warned that much of the beach could be wiped out after this storm, depending on its track, timing and intensity. It is the story of Rhode Island in the age of climate change. We are becoming more Ocean than State.

In addition to the South Shore beaches, the surge probably will be worst along the upper part of the East and West Bays. The Fox Point Hurricane Barrier will be closed in Providence, protecting low-lying DownCity from massive flooding. But all that water has to go somewhere. My little cove community of West Barrington could be one of the places that endures the bounce back.

The barrier itself was constructed after two hurricanes – the 1938 Great New England Hurricane, known locally as the Hurricane of ’38, and Hurricane Carol in 1954 – slammed into Rhode Island and submerged Providence’s financial district in water. The hurricane barrier, a 3,000-foot-long tidal flood barrier spanning the Providence River, was constructed between 1960 and 1966 to keep downtown dry during major storms. In 1985 the barrier was credited with sparing Providence from being deluged with two feet of water from Hurricane Gloria. Six years later, when Hurricane Bob roared through, the barrier saved the city from being inundated with four feet of water.

Two odd bits of hurricane barrier trivia: City officials use it to keep the river level higher during low tides during Providence WaterFire events. During an April storm in 2007, the barrier’s pumps are thought to have been the primary cause for the sinking of the Soviet submarine K-77, a.k.a. “The Russian Sub Museum” in Providence. The sub’s evolution from an instrument of the Cold War to a unique tourist attraction to scrap metal is worth chronicling in a collection of “only in Rhode Island” stories someday. But for now I can’t help wondering how much Russian sub remains in the mountains of scrap that border the highway along Providence’s industrial waterfront?

Once this whole thing blows over, Half Shell would like to know: What’s your Hurricane Sandy story?

Side By Each

Rhode Island always has been a state of odd juxtapositions. Most days when I drive to work through Warren I tap the brakes out of respect for the life-sized Cornelius – a “Planet of the Apes” character in a white NASA flight suit – that occasionally stands in front of the Warren Exchange at the funky corner where Water Street merges with Main Street. The space ape was on display yesterday, when the shop held one of its “parking lot sales” during the Warren Walkabout. Adding to its kitschy appeal, a plastic jack-o-lantern dangled from its neck.

“It’s part of the team now,” said Kevin, one of the workers monitoring visitors in the parking lot. “People stop in just to take their picture with it.”

Last week, while driving back from Newport, I saw a flock of wild turkeys in the Warren streets, making their way to a yard decorated in political signs. On the same drive, going the opposite direction, I’ve seen wild turkeys sleeping on a lawn in front of a funeral home in Portsmouth. There’s also a tiny historical cemetery just off busy West Main Road, known as the Holy Cross Episcopal Cemetery but once a family graveyard on old Rogers Farm, which I only noticed because I was stopped at a light. Directly across the street from it is a Benny’s.

These are the kinds of things that amuse me during the daily commute. The fleeting moments of Rhody culture that offer brief mental relief from the tedium of traffic, endless lights and the blight of sprawl that has crept into what was once an entirely scenic stretch of villages, farms and ocean vistas. Every now and then, the juxtapositions are transcendent – such as the October sunset I saw while crossing the Mount Hope Bridge last week, wild streaks of burning clouds, sky and leaves set against the blue bay. Or yesterday in Warren, wandering into the Medium Gothic Baptist Church to discover the Atwater-Donnelly Band performing Celtic folk, Irish airs and clog dancing on the black walnut pulpit with sunlight streaming through a kaleidoscope of huge arched stained glass windows.

What is your favorite “side by each” Rhody moment?